Monday, July 15, 2013
TIPS FOR A HAPPY MARRIAGE
By Joanna Bounds |
Even though we
all hope our marriage will last forever, a third of marriages end in
divorce, according to the Australian Bureau of Statistics. “Tough spots
will always occur - one partner might get sick, get the sack, or need to
attend to a dying parent,” says psychologist Meredith Fuller,
explaining that every union will go through happy and hard times. A
long-lasting marriage needs commitment, good communication and a good
dose of love and affection. Try these seven tips for a happy marriage:
Even though we
all hope our marriage will last forever, a third of marriages end in
divorce, according to the Australian Bureau of Statistics. “Tough spots
will always occur - one partner might get sick, get the sack, or need to
attend to a dying parent,” says psychologist Meredith Fuller,
explaining that every union will go through happy and hard times. A
long-lasting marriage needs commitment, good communication and a good
dose of love and affection. Try these seven tips for a happy marriage:Create your own rituals
It could be as
simple as making your husband a coffee in the morning while he lets you
lie in at the weekend. Whatever you choose, a ‘couples’ ritual is a way
to connect with your partner in the madness of a busy life. “The comfort
of little rituals are trust giving, safety maintaining, and love
enhancing – these things help us get through the day in the outside
world,” says Meredith. “If your partner says they love you and
demonstrates that with consistent gestures, you can believe it.”
Learn to communicate
If you or your
hubby is a poor communicator, don’t just put up with it, says Meredith -
being able to talk openly with your partner is a sign of a strong
marriage. “Develop your skills – go to classes, read books, observe good
communicators and interview them about technique, ask for feedback,
practice,” she advises. “Communication skills enhance all areas of your
life – home and work. Get cracking – no excuses.”
Money matters
We usually
handle money in the same way as our family did, and often assume our way
is best. Not so, says Meredith, who advises discussing your views on
paying bills, saving and credit cards before you tie the knot. “You need
to come up with the new blended way you both will do things. It’s easy
to have a major joint account where you both must tell each other what
you do, and a slush fund minor private account each where you can be
yourself without having to justify what you spend.”
Respect and affection are deal breakers
Small gestures
matter - if you want your marriage to last, keep reminding each other
that you love each other and nurture your relationship with kind words.
“You need to treat each other preciously – not for granted,” says
Meredith. “Some people say ‘I love you’, and some people will show ‘I
love you’ – make sure that your partner understands your message, and
work out what you both need then try to accommodate each other.”
Adultery and jealousy are different things
No matter how
hard a marriage may seem at times, and while having affair might be
exciting, almost everyone involved - children included – are destined to
be harmed. “Either you are in or out – never humiliate your partner by
duplicity,” says Meredith. “On the other hand, if your partner is
jealous, and there is no reason for this, nip it in the bud. It is not
cute or sweet, it is inappropriate, and can lead to violence. Get help.
See a counsellor, and explore the past and work on this.”
Make room for sex
If you and your
hubby’s libidos are matched evenly, don’t worry if sex takes a back seat
on having kids. If one wants more nookie than the other, however,
Meredith advises making room for sex in a busy schedule. “That might
mean getting enough rest and sleep the night before, cancelling any
other commitments, getting the kids minded, turning off your phones and
computers, and doing nice things to each other,” she says. “Think about
what the other person wants, not just what you feel like giving. So, ask
them, take it in turns and take your time.” She adds that it’s
perfectly normal for sex to fall of the menu when kids come into the
mix. “Sometimes you just have to hang in there because one of you is dog
tired. It wont be dreadful forever - but if the drought goes on for too
long, seek some assistance.”
Put your marriage first
Meredith adds
that having a happy marriage means being prepared to take turns with
life’s stages. “You can still work towards your goals, but maybe they
will take longer to achieve, because right now you choose to help your
husband study for a post grad course, or delay moving interstate so he
can care for his elderly father.” And, for those bored with their
partner, she says slow and steady beats the highs and lows of an anxious
passion anytime. “There are two aspects that glue lovers together in
the long term: like and respect.”
http://wisemessages.blogspot.com/2013/03/tips-for-happy-marriage.html
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